☮ 058; [text]

[vulpesvivus]

[Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He should have known better, after all that had happened. Otacon should have known this would never last, and that it was a miracle things had stayed as they were for the year or so that they did. Two years? No, it was probably a little short of that. However long it had been, it didn't matter anymore. Did anything matter at this point?]

This message is for those of you who knew Liquid Snake.

[Of course not. Nothing mattered, not for Otacon. Whatever happened from here on out, he was alone. Liquid used to talk about changing fate, going back home and rewriting what was supposedly fated. Maybe it would work. Scientifically speaking, the probability of one timeline of one universe branching off was pretty good in the grand scheme of things. But where did that leave Otacon? The same place he'd ever been. Just like with Wolf, with Emma, with Naomi...he lost everything, and it only hurt worse each and every time.]

He's not in Johto anymore.

['I don't have any more tears to shed.' Otacon remembered when Snake had told him that, nine or ten years ago. He'd thought that must have been a terrible existence, to be so broken and jaded that one simply couldn't cry anymore. Given the kind of track record he had, just typing that last sentence should have had Otacon breaking down to an inconsolable wreck. But...there was nothing. It hurt, ached in a way he was very familiar with...and yet he was just empty.]

[He'd been right. It was a terrible way to live.]

[Why wasn't he breaking down? Why hadn't he burst into an inconsolable mess of tears? This wasn't like him at all. Was he just that broken by now, or did he still have some tiny measure of hope that things would be alright?]

[If anyone could rewrite history through stubborn singleminded determination, it would be Liquid Snake. Otacon believed that with all his heart--if Liquid wanted something done, no laws of time, physics, or reason would stop him. It almost made him wonder what kind of world that would result in. Shadow Moses would surely end differently, if it happened at all. And knowing Liquid...he'd trample time and space until he crossed paths with that world's Hal Emmerich. And then...no, it didn't matter what happened then. Because the Hal Emmerich of 2014 was the only one he could concern himself with. Whatever happened, he would never know and couldn't waste his life thinking about it.]

[Otacon leaned back in his chair, taking off his glasses and waiting for a response. He'd done what he needed to, now he just had to handle the fallout. He'd have a lot of explaining to do to Snake, at least. Taking a deep breath and sighing, the engineer stared blankly out the window.]

[...I believe you can change fate. I know that you can, James. So don't--you're not allowed to die like that, understand?]

Comments

[bluedespitebeing]

[She remembers Otacon from when she arrived... So even though it feels a bit awkward for her to intrude, Lisa sends him a short text.]

Will you be alright?

[vulpesvivus]

I don't know.

I could probably say 'I'm used to this', but it doesn't make this any easier.

[bluedespitebeing]

Familiarity doesn't always make it better...

I hope things work out for you, at least. Were the two of you close?

[vulpesvivus]

Yeah--we were really close.

[bluedespitebeing]

[Lisa had guessed as much from the bluntness of the initial post, as well as the fact that Otacon was using text. But still. It was best to keep people talking, right?]

I didn't know him... A lot of people have been leaving, it seems.

[She hadn't been in Johto too long, but that still seemed to be the case.

Do you have others here you can count on?

[Audio]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[...]


[In a certain way, Heather's in a similar place to Otacon at the moment.]

[Not with as much... finality.]

[But after the past few months, she's reached a place where everything's just sort of numb. Each new disappearance since her breakdown on-camera has been met with a dull ache instead of the white-hot rage and hurt that had built up like a volcano before. She'd just burned herself out on angry grieving.]

[But then, she can't begin to feel what Otacon is feeling right now. Even if she cared about Liquid, too.]</sub>

... Hal.

[text]

[vulpesvivus]

I'm...okay. Not really. But I guess I expected this since I met him, so...I'll be fine.

[audio]

[foolishwren]

_{[She's gonna keep talking. Sometimes hearing a voice helps make things a little better. And, well, sometimes it DOESN'T, but she has a feeling that Otacon doesn't respond to loss like she does.]}

... You know, you can talk about it to me.

I know that doesn't always help, but...

_{[She pauses. Liquid was important to her too, after all.]}

... Is there anyone... anyone with you in the same town that you can... I don't know. That can be there?

_{[When she'd lost Kaito in Ecruteak, her father and Cooper had been those people for her. But it's hard when there's NOBODY.]}

[text-->audio]

[vulpesvivus]

Not that I know of. It's alright, that much I know I'm used to.

...this is ridiculous, hang on.

[Of all the people he would hide behind text with, Heather wasn't on the list. So when he did switch the Pokegear's function, he sounded exhausted and generally like a truck hit him.]

I don't know. There's probably someone, but I...really can't bring myself to care anymore.

[audio]

[foolishwren]

_{[Yeah, she hadn't wanted to PUSH him or anything, but... actually TALKING would be all kinds of better.]}

... Look, Otacon, I ... I know the feeling.

But I'm serious.

Talk through it, okay?

_{[She knows he's not the sort who needs to go off and kick something breakable down from the top of a hill for a few hours to feel better. In fact, she's worried that being alone might be the OPPOSITE of what he needs.]}

I know how you feel.

I really do.

text;

[havemercy]

I'm afraid I never met him, but thank you for sending out that sort of message. Will you be alright?

text;

[vulpesvivus]

I don't really know.

text;

[havemercy]

Would you like to talk about it?

[ Kyrie's got two very nice shoulders and ears. ]

text;

[vulpesvivus]

I don't know if there's anything to talk about. He's gone, there's nothing I can do. That's all there is to it.

text;

[havemercy]

Just thinking about it won't help any either.

[tolettheworldbe]

[There were two possible reasons Snake wasn't using text, and instead was using the video feature.

One: It reminded him more of the Codec that the two had contacted one another on constantly.

Two: Snake wasn't exactly a technonerd, and he still didn't have the entirety of the device figured out.

The gruff face of Solid Snake appeared on the screen, with that same, somewhat cold gaze in his eyes and frown on his face. The text that he picked up from Otacon of Liquid's departure was good news for him. However... for Otacon, it must have been bad news. He had already lost Emma and Sniper Wolf, and even though Snake was unaware of the true connection between Liquid and Otacon, that didn't make losing someone close to you any better. So, despite his facial expression, the tone in Snake's voice was a bit softer, somewhat of a contradiction against the rather blunt few words he chose to speak.]

So... he's gone for good?

[vulpesvivus]

[It was a long minute or two before Otacon finally switched from text to video. He wasn't crying, wasn't a complete wreck...he just looked exhausted.]

...It's possible he could come back, I've seen it before, but...we probably won't be seeing him again.

[tolettheworldbe]

Otacon... what was he to you? A normal person's disappearance wouldn't make you so tired.

[vulpesvivus]

...You'd hate me if I told you. Or you'd just think I finally lost my mind.

[tolettheworldbe]

Otacon...

[That gruff tone in his voice is basically saying 'Out with it, man. I won't hate you.']

{Text}

[bamfsecretary]

If you drop by Violet's Inn in the next couple of weeks, I think I could spare the time to talk.

{What else could she do, but offer a shoulder to lean on? Expressions of sorrow were in all honesty meaningless, at this point in time.}

{Text}

[vulpesvivus]

Thanks. I might be heading back in that direction to meet up with Snake. But...I don't know if I have much to talk about.

{Text}

[bamfsecretary]

It doesn't matter - sometimes just sitting is enough.

{Text}

[vulpesvivus]

I guess you're right.

{Text}

[bamfsecretary]

Will you be able to cope?